I got it, everyone!  I have figured it out!

The “Political Correctness” Bemoaners’ Gripe is based on a very simple, but impactful, misunderstanding:

It is not a matter of what we ask them to say; it’s a matter of what we’re asking them to mean.

Take this classic and seasonably appropriate example: “Happy Holidays!”

To the PCBs, our request seems ridiculous.  They think we are asking them to say, “Happy Holidays,” when they mean, “Merry Xmas.”  Sneaky Petes that we are, we have obscured our real agenda much nearer to face value.

I hope that you have a happy holiday, regardless of your particular culture’s custom!

-Secret Liberal Code

I am hearing the beehive buzzing of internet disagreement under the sound of my typing.

Are you, or is someone you love, a PCB?  Are you cringing at my liberal smugness right now?  First, let me commend you on your willingness to read my queer-as-fuck blog.  And second, let me offer you some examples of insincere PCness:

  • “Happy holiday!” delivered in the four days preceding Xmas, three weeks after Chanukkah has concluded.
  • “Hope you had a good holiday!” delivered two days after Xmas, but in the middle of Chanukkah and Kwanzaa.
  • “Happy Kwonzai!” an actual thing my boss wished me (Asian American) and my colleagues (White).
  • Separate Judaism, Islam, Buddhism and “Religion” sections at the book store.

Do you see what I’m saying?

I hear the people out there who will be pointing out they simply do not know when Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any other winter holiday observances occur.  And that’s valid.

But if you’re as well-meaning as I believe you are, can you not understand how fucking off it is that knowing our cultures is optional, while knowing yours is unavoidable?  I am not going to feed you the bullshit that non-Xtians would definitely care enough to seek out a familiarity with Xmas if our everyday lives weren’t saturated with it.  I want to believe we would, but I can’t insist upon it.  i want to believe it for the same reason I wish Xtians would return the hypothetical favor.

Working my way back to where we began, it would be untrue to say I don’t care when you use, “Merry Xmas.”  It gives me a feeling that’s tricky to describe.  But to hear you say, “Happy Holidays,” with a tone (or verbal statement) of because I have to . . . that isn’t “politically incorrect”; it’s unkind.

Oh, and New Year’s Day is a holiday.  Just.  Just in case you needed extra logic.

Happy New Year.